We’ve all had moments where our emotions got the better of us—whether it’s the regret of staying silent at work or the guilt of losing our temper at home. These instances leave us disappointed in ourselves, and sometimes strain important relationships.
Research by Intellect reveals that emotion regulation is a common challenge among working adults in Asia, likely due to cultural norms that emphasise stoicism, particularly in professional environments. The good news is that emotion regulation is a skill that can be learned.
Let’s start by unpacking the fundamental question: What are emotions?
What are emotions?
Emotions are mental states that arise spontaneously in response to various situations or stimuli. When we encounter an event or circumstance, our minds instantly interpret it, triggering a complex reaction designed to help us navigate the situation.
Emotions exist on a broad spectrum, ranging from positive to negative, and don’t need to be classified as inherently good or bad. All emotions are valid; they simply reflect our internal experiences.
Emotions can be fleeting, like a burst of joy when you receive good news, or prolonged, like the sadness that lingers after a loss. Both types of emotional experiences are entirely normal.
Emotions can vary in intensity, from mild irritation to overwhelming anger, or from a subtle feeling of contentment to deep elation. Again, both ends of this spectrum are part of the emotional landscape.
A deeper look at emotions
Emotions are complex because they involve experiential, behavioural, and physiological elements.
Experiential: Our past experiences form a kind of emotional data bank that influences how we react to new situations. For instance, if you’ve been hurt in relationships before, you might feel anxious about committing to someone new.
Behavioural: Our emotional expressions are shaped by societal norms, personality traits, and upbringing. For example, you might believe that expressing anger in public is inappropriate, or that showing sadness by crying in the office is unprofessional.
Physiological: Emotions trigger involuntary bodily responses governed by the autonomic nervous system, which controls our fight-or-flight response. For instance, just before going on stage to give a talk, you might experience a racing heart and sweaty palms.
Together, these factors make each emotional experience unique, underlining the subjectivity of our emotional lives.
Why do we need emotions?
Some of us might view negative emotions as obstacles, but they play crucial roles in our lives.
Firstly, emotions provide us with valuable information. They offer deep insights into our values, behaviour patterns, and relationships. For example, feeling guilty after making a judgemental remark signals how much we value kindness. Frustration when misunderstood may point to unproductive communication habits. Sadness when we lose a loved one reveals how much we cherish that relationship.
Secondly, emotions drive us to take action and initiate change. Guilt prompts us to take responsibility for our actions. Frustration pushes us to tackle situations we find unacceptable. Sadness encourages us to slow down, giving ourselves the time and space for reflection.
In these ways, emotions are tools that help us understand ourselves and connect with others. Without them, we would lose touch with what truly matters.
What is emotion regulation?
Emotion regulation refers to your ability to manage ingrained emotional responses formed during childhood and adolescence. Over time, we develop emotional patterns shaped by our environment and interactions with caregivers and peers. These inform how we react to various situations today.
For instance, if you grew up in an environment where expressing anger was discouraged, you might have a tendency to suppress it. Conversely, if your upbringing involved frequent emotional outbursts, you might struggle with impulsive reactions as an adult.
These emotional reactions often bypass rational thought, leading to automatic responses that are rarely constructive. Emotion regulation allows you to break free from them, giving you greater control over how you respond to the world around you.
Here’s why emotion regulation is crucial.
It contributes to overall wellbeing
Experiencing strong emotions is a natural and healthy part of life, but the inability to regulate these emotions can lead to prolonged negative states. Chronic intense emotions, when not managed effectively, can take a toll on your well-being, manifesting as high blood pressure, weakened immunity, muscle tension, sleep disturbances, and digestive issues. For example, repeatedly experiencing anxiety without regulating it can cause gastrointestinal distress.
It enables appropriate responses
Without emotion regulation, your body operates on instinct, often reacting impulsively to external stimuli. However, by creating a buffer between feeling and action, we are able to acknowledge our emotions and respond appropriately.
Now, what constitutes an appropriate response is often context-dependent. For example, expressing intense anger at work or in social gatherings can lead to misunderstandings, damage relationships, or even have professional repercussions.
It improves relationships
Being able to respond appropriately shows that you value your role within your social circles and the relationships you have. This helps maintain healthy relationships, which are crucial for your overall mental and physical wellbeing.
Imagine feeling hurt by a comment at a family gathering. Instead of lashing out in front of everyone, you could approach the other person privately and calmly say, “I felt hurt by that comment, and I’d like to discuss it.” This shows that you value the relationship and are committed to resolving conflicts constructively.
Learn emotion regulation at Intellect Clinic
At Intellect Clinic, our clincians will guide you towards healthier emotional habits that will help you thrive both personally and professionally.
50-minute sessions with our counsellors and clinical psychologists are priced at $160 and $240 (Singapore dollars) respectively, and we offer appointments at our clinics in Marina One, Tanjong Pagar, Woodleigh, and Tembeling.
Reach out to us today for an appointment in the same week.
