Humans are wired for connection, and relationships are central to our mental wellbeing. It’s no surprise, then, that relationship issues have brought so many to counselling or therapy.
Some individuals come to counselling to find or nurture a connection, while others feel torn about staying in a relationship that no longer feels right. There are also those who are picking up the pieces after a difficult break-up.
While couples therapy focuses on both partners, individual counselling hones in on you. It helps you explore your role in relationship struggles, build self-awareness, and develop a healthier relationship with yourself—an essential step towards improving connections with others.
Common relationship issues
1. Infidelity
What one person considers cheating may differ significantly from another, further complicating matters. For example, discovering that a partner has formed an emotional connection with someone else can lead to feelings of betrayal. Even if there was no physical affair, the emotional intimacy in the relationship has still been compromised.
Infidelity often leaves emotional scars that can take time to heal. Before deciding how to move forward, it’s important to understand the underlying causes and emotional fallout of the betrayal. If your relationship has experienced infidelity, the aftermath can feel overwhelming. However, with open communication and dedicated effort, it is possible to heal and rebuild trust—provided the deeper causes and emotional impact of the affair are addressed and worked through with honesty and care.
2. Trust and jealousy
Trust and jealousy issues can strain a relationship, even in the absence of infidelity. An individual struggling with these issues may try to soothe their fears and anxieties by seeking constant reassurance, checking their partner’s devices, or restricting activities they perceive as a threat—like socialising with coworkers of their preferred gender.
Imagine a partner who constantly checks their significant other’s phone for reassurance. While the initial intent may be to feel secure, these behaviours can overwhelm their partner over time, potentially driving a wedge between them. When these individuals don’t know how to express these feelings, they may resort to avoidance to assert their own boundaries. This distance, in turn, fuels a cycle where trust is further eroded, and the need for reassurance becomes even stronger.
3. Codependence
Codependency may be at play if you feel like you’re “losing yourself” in a relationship. Your identity feels intertwined with your partner’s, and your emotions mirror theirs—if they have a bad day, you do too. Perceiving differences as a threat, you may try to control their thoughts and feelings while suppressing your own.
In a healthy relationship, you maintain your identity both within and outside the partnership. You can empathise with your partner without absorbing their emotions. You also respect their ability to manage their own thoughts and feelings, and you feel safe expressing your needs, even if it means risking disagreements.
4. Boundaries
Healthy boundaries form the foundation of a strong, interdependent relationship. Time boundaries ensure that each of you has personal space, while digital boundaries help you agree on what to share about your relationship online. If you and your partner are living together, financial boundaries clarify who covers what and when to split costs.
Physical and sexual boundaries are just as important—they address how comfortable you are with public displays of affection and what you both agree on in the bedroom. Although setting boundaries might feel a bit daunting initially, they are essential for maintaining your individuality while growing closer as a couple.
5. Attention
During the “honeymoon phase,” new partners are deeply attached, spending nearly every moment together and often putting other aspects of life aside. However, as the relationship evolves, and both partners return to “normal” life, differences in how they adjust can lead to feelings of neglect.
These issues aren’t confined to new couples—they can arise at any stage of a relationship. For instance , one partner might feel neglected if the other fails to listen or adhere to plans, while the other may see these concerns as unreasonable, especially during busy or stressful periods. In these situations, a couple’s capacity to respect each others’ needs is truly put to the test.
6. Sex and intimacy
Sex and intimacy issues are often framed around libido, compatibility, or medical conditions—areas where a sex therapist or doctor might step in. However, these challenges often go deeper, rooted in relational or psychological factors that counsellors and psychotherapists can help address.
For starters, ongoing relationship conflicts can dampen sexual connection. Unresolved trauma can create barriers to intimacy, and emotional difficulties, such as anxiety about body image, also play a role. Tackling these underlying issues is the first step toward helping couples reconnect on a physical level.
7. Boredom
You might have heard of the “7-year itch,” that sense of boredom that can creep into long-term relationships. Everything is exciting at the start, but as routines take over, date nights become predictable, and you might feel like you know your partner inside out.
The truth is, a relationship’s growth goes hand in hand with our personal growth, and focusing on self-discovery can make a significant difference. As you evolve, you may inspire your partner to do the same. This shared journey of change can rekindle passion and curiosity, helping you both rediscover each other.
8. Future plans
For a relationship to thrive, both partners have to be on the same page about their future together, and misaligned expectations and goals can throw a wrench into even the strongest connections.
Take, for example, a couple where one partner wants to settle down and get married, while the other is focused on career growth and isn’t ready for commitment. If this conversation doesn’t happen early on, both may feel confused or frustrated as their expectations diverge. Some couples might start by clarifying their relationship status: Are you keeping your options open, or is it an exclusive relationship? If exclusive, are you both considering marriage? If so, what are your timelines and thoughts on having children?
Don’t forget personal aspirations, like one partner wanting to live in different countries for work—how will that impact your relationship? Discussing these future plans openly ensures you’re both moving in the same direction and helps build a secure relationship.
9. Abuse
In 2019, a review by Singapore’s National Council of Social Service revealed that around 3% of people experience domestic violence, with self-reported figures sometimes reaching up to as high as 20%. Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological, and contrary to popular belief, it affects all genders.
Any relationship involving abuse is profoundly unhealthy, yet many survivors remain silent due to feelings of guilt, shame, or fear of repercussions. If confiding in loved ones could lead to backlash, counselling and psychotherapy offer a safe and non-judgmental space for survivors to discuss their experiences and receive the support needed to heal and move forward.
10. Marital issues
Studies reveal that married couples with young children often find themselves at odds over three main issues: chores and responsibilities, money, and parenting.
Chores can spark tension, especially when traditional gender roles lead to disagreements about who does what. Money issues, surprisingly, are more common in couples where both partners work full-time, as financial pressures and differing spending habits come into play. Parenting disputes also frequently arise, whether over discipline styles—harsh versus gentle—or priorities, such as balancing academic achievements with nurturing other interests.
Addressing relationship issues at Intellect Clinic
At Intellect Clinic, our counsellors and psychotherapists can help you gain insights into long-standing relationship issues. Through your sessions, you may explore and address personal issues impacting your relationship. Whether you’re dealing with lingering insecurities from past infidelity or struggling to set boundaries without hurting your partner, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
Reach out to us today to schedule an appointment within the same week.
